Temperaments that don’t like being controlled have this perspective filter that naturally comes into play because its a need in their temperament. A Choleric will not want anyone controlling them and they want to be in control of everything. A Sanguine will have these same needs but will swing form being the leader in charge to self-indulgence mode if they don’t get the recognition they need. Melancholy’s have only one side of the “need” coin. They don’t like to be controlled but they don’t want to be in control.
This control need becomes a perspective filter that all interactions with others, including God are viewed through.
When a Choleric in control wife is in the middle of something that is important to her and her Melancholy in control husband reminds her its prayer time with the kids, he’s not trying to control her. But her perspective filter is put on in her head. She feels he’s always trying to control things. This feeling is natural. It is the normal reaction with a temperament that doesn’t want to be controlled. However, our reactions are what get us into trouble and create the problems in our relationships.
This filter based on a need within a temperament isn’t going to go away. It is the way that God wired this person. But God also designed us to be in communion and dependence upon him. Our dependence upon God will help the person who needs to be in control step back and access the whole truth. You may react harshly but with God’s help you can learn to recognize when this is happening. Then you can take that step back and see the truth of it through God’s eyes.
Many of the conflicts we have with others are going to be caused by these self-perspective filters. Knowledge of your temperament and the temperament of those close to you is helpful. When you allow the Holy Spirit to help you then you can gain the perspective of God and see the truth.
Jesus said the truth will set you free. John 8:32 Knowing the whole truth does indeed set free those temperaments with this need to be in control. Analyzing and seeing the whole truth will disarm the natural anger response.
It’s much like the story of the barking dog. You are coming to a house and see a barking dog. You only see the dog’s head because he is behind a big bush. His barking at you is making you feel scared he wants to rip into you. You start to head over to the side of the yard. Your perspective of the dog suddenly changes. The bush is no longer blocking your complete view of the dog. What you see is the whole truth. The dog is chained but the chain has wrapped itself around his leg which is bleeding. You see the dog is hurt and really isn’t wanting to rip into you. What he really wants is your help.
Shifting our perspective to what God sees will help us see the whole truth and that perspective change is most likely going to snuff out the anger. Changing our perspective takes the help of a mighty loving God who wants us to lean on him. We just have to ask and lean in. Proverbs 3:5-6
Perspective change sometimes takes an outside view to guide you into God’s perspective. If anger is ruling your life, seek help from a pastor, trusted friend or Christian counselor. A Christian temperament counselor will be able to help you get to the root causes of your anger that stem from your temperament. We all need help but asking can be the most difficult. You are not alone.