Stage Two in the Process of Forgiving-Giving Up our Right for Vengeance

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Continue the journey of the process of forgiving with me. We looked at the first step in rediscovering the humanity of the person who has wronged us in the last post. Today, we will target the second step in the process of forgiving, giving up our right for vengeance.

Let me dispel any scary ideas about vengeance. Vengeance is not just about the guy shooting up at his last place of employment or the ex-girl friend posting nasty comments on Facebook about her ex-boyfriend. Vengeance is not just in the extreme actions people take but also in the subtle actions like not speaking to your neighbor for a couple of weeks after she hurt you with a criticism that seemed to you uncalled for or about the husband giving his wife the cold shoulder because she forgot to pick up his dry cleaning again.

Where Vengeance Begins

Vengeance starts as a thought. Did vengeful thoughts go through my head with the episode of injustice done to me in August with my old preschool job? Absolutely. Just because we don’t take out any revenge in action, doesn’t mean that thinking about revenge is any less sinful. The truth is our sinful nature will automatically from our subconscious bring up these kinds of thoughts, It is what we do with those thoughts that matters. When we let ourselves entertain this kind of thinking, we will find ourselves immersed in bitterness.

Do we even have the right to get even? We are not God. And yet, we have this insane hold of believing it is our right to get even. Part of the process of forgiving, is giving up this right for vengeance. But this doesn’t mean we give up our need for justice. God is our justice. The words from Isaiah 30:18 tell us what God wants from us, “Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!”  Giving up our right for vengeance means we are opening ourselves up to trusting the Lord will make all things right. God is just and it will be done in his timing.

Vengeance vs. Justice Vengeance vx. Justice

Vengeance is our own pleasure in seeing someone who hurt us get it back and then some. Justice is moral accounting. It is secured when someone pays a fair penalty for wronging another even if the wronged person takes no pleasure in it.

Human forgiveness doesn’t take away the claims for justice whether it be human justice or divine justice. Knowing this fine line between vengeance and justice is crucial in making it through this stage. Most getting even happens only in our heads, however as Lewis B. Smedes says in his book The Art of Forgiving, revenge fantasies “become a catheter dripping a spiritual poison into our systems.”  I surrendered my right for vengeance and focused on trusting in my God of justice. Peace filled me and I was able to move onto the next stage.

We have rediscovered the humanity in the person; separating the sinful behavior from the person. Then, we give up the right to get even. We cast out those vengeful thoughts that pop into our minds and affirm the truth of God. Our final piece in the process of forgiving may be the most challenging but we will take up that next time.

Until then, may you see the humanity in each person not through the lens of your hurt but through the lens of God’s truth and may you give up that right to get even and trust that the Lord is our justice.

 

Stage One in the Process of Forgiving

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There are fundamentally three stages of forgiving that all humanity goes through. However, each of us being unique in our own ways will go through these stages through the filters. These filters our of our own upbringing, environment, experience and wisdom that God has given us.

Stage One-Rediscovering the Humanity

It is human for us to filter what has happened to us through our own hurt and pain. In doing this, the truth in the matter can get muddied. We begin to see only what this person did to us and not the person. We end up shrinking the person and only seeing the wrong this person did to us.

Forgiving is an art and in the next several weeks, we will be looking at various parts of forgiving and what forgiving is not. Forgiving our enemy does not mean we will make him into a close friend, promising spouse or trustworthy partner. It doesn’t diminish the wrong done to us.  Our forgiveness does not mean we will ever look at this person the same way again. We don’t forgive blindly thinking this person will never wrong us again.

In rediscovering the humanity of a person, we are separating the person from the wrong. We are taking the person back into our inner world as the human being they are and the human nature that we share. We begin to separate the person from the wrong and discover this newer perception shows all the truth. And it is the truth that ultimately will set us free.

I recently was wronged very deeply by the place I taught as a preschool teacher for the last 5 years. To summarize, I was being robbed of 20% of my income, beaten down and devalued all without any compassion or care. All this within a Christian preschool within my own church. Ouch! It hurt bad and it takes time to go through the forgiving process.

In those first 24 hours of this deep wrong happening, my mind was in chaos with all the emotions and thoughts going through it.In the wee hours of the night being unable to sleep, I finally opened my Bible asking God to give me something from His Word to hold onto.  Psalm 32:8 The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.” He did advise me. He reminded me to step back from all the emotions of the pain I was feeling and see the person. What I saw was a person who was being deceived by the enemy to believe that what she was doing was right. I realized her human sinful nature within her was the real enemy and not her herself.

Is it easy to take a step back from our emotions? No, but it is the first step we need to take to help us get the bigger picture. Rediscovering the humanity of a person who wronged us doesn’t mean we tolerate the wrong, excuse the wrong or hide the wrong away along with all the feelings that came with it. It means we are approaching the situation through the lens of truth and starting down the pathway of the healing of forgiveness.

We have to look up to see what’s really in front of us. forgiving starts by looking up

Next time, we will take a close-up look at stage two of the process of forgiving. Stay tuned.

 

 

 

Playing the Receiver in the Football Game of Life with God

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As believers and Christ-followers, we are playing the receiver in the football game of life with God. Jesus is the perfect quarter back who never misses a snap or fumbles the ball. He easily maneuvers with the enemy trying to deflect the ball or hit it from His hands. His target is always right on; directed exactly to where he wants it.

Playing Receiver
Our Quarterback, Jesus

We are the receiver who needs to be in formation and ready to receive the ball. We can run down the field and find we’ve run too far. Maybe we are running from God and don’t even realize it? Other times, we run and turn only to find we didn’t run far enough. Maybe our listening to the Quarterbacks call was selective listening? or distracted listening? Then there are those instances when the enemy is running along side us ready to pounce; trying to keep us from receiving the ball. We can become so distracted by the enemy that we lose sight of our purpose. Receive the ball and run it into the end zone and get the touch down.

Playing Receiver
Are Your Running from God or to God?

Sometimes we receive the ball and find ourselves pushed out of bounds. Maybe that’s when you’ve received God’s goodness but allowed discouragement to push you across the line? Or maybe the enemy was in your face trying to steer you out of bounds and instead of focusing on God, the coach down at the end zone cheering you on, you got angry and sought to push back?

Perhaps you were a little bit off your mark and the ball fumbles through your hands. You are trying everything to hold onto it but the Perfect All-Knowing Quarterback, Jesus, threw it just where it needed to be. Maybe those are the trials God sends our way to help us grow and get our head back in the game with Him?

Playing Receiver
Trials bring us down but not out!

On the Bench during the Football Game of LIfe with God

And then there are the seasons where we find ourselves sitting on the bench. We can look to the Coach and the Quarterback to learn how to take the right path on the field of life or we can sit downcast with our eyes at our feet wallowing in our own self-pity of defeat. Maybe we are looking at the other offensive team players playing on the field trying to find our own answers to why things went so wrong.

Training to be a Receiver in the Football Game of Life with God

Being a good receiver takes study of the playbook of God’s Word. It also takes the right end-goal attitude; one that will stand firm against the attacks of the enemy. We need a full-blown commitment to being on God’s team. It takes a deepening understanding of our own Quarterback and Our Coach. God wants the receiver to do his homework and consult with the Quarterback and the Coach. And it takes practice and time to learn how to stay on the path of obedience and how to truly be open and ready for all that the Lord throws at us.

We are on a team in the Body of Christ and so we as a team can come together and help each other do our part in the game of life with God. Need guidance in your training? I am here as God’s representative to help you get off the bench and learn how to be in the game.

Playing Receiver
God’s Football Team: The Body of Christ

The Morning Always Comes

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The sun sets and darkness fills the night but the morning always comes. Throughout our walk with the Lord Jesus, we come to a place of darkness. It is the Lord in His timing leading us to another layer that needs to be peeled back and revealed. The revelation of our own sin is never a pleasant experience. It can be extremely painful especially if it involves wounds caused by another. We have tried to fix, hidden from it or kept our pointing finger of blame on another. But the Lord says its time to take off the band-aid and lets look at this wound together.

“I see him, but not now; I behold him, but not near; A star shall come forth from Jacob, A scepter shall rise from Israel, And shall crush through the forehead of Moab, And tear down all the sons of Sheth. Numbers 24:17

We can acknowledge to God how much it hurts, how wrong it was and even our pointing finger we have been directing at God. We can let down the blinders, the protective gear we’ve put on ourselves that hasn’t really protected anything but tried to hide it all away. Looking at the wound, really seeing it is in the expression of your thoughts and feelings to the Lord. It is a release of that which has been holding you in bondage; keeping you in the wilderness of your soul rather than living the abundant life in the presence of the Lord in His sanctuary that is within you. We can arise when the morning comes and go to the promised land; it is the heavenly realms within the very sanctuary of your being.

“I, Jesus, have sent My angel to testify to you these things for the churches I am the root and the descendant of David, the bright morning star.” Revelation 22:16

Morning Always Comes
Jesus is Our Bright Morning Star

But we are in the darkness and is it overwhelming. Be on guard for the enemy awaits. We can’t allow the enemy of our soul to discourage us; to make us turn away from the wound and God. We must hold onto the anchor of our soul. Jesus came to set the captives free. He is the bright morning star. And every dark night of the soul is followed by the bright joy of the morning.

So we have the prophetic word made more sure, to which you do well to pay attention as to a lamp shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star arises in your hearts. 2 Peter 1:19

Being on Autopilot Will Lead You Into Dangerous Territory

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Being on autopilot in our life is an aspect that we all use to hide from the Lord. If we aren’t intentionally driving forward with the Holy Spirit’s strength and guidance, we will veer off the road. And we know that going off the right road can lead us into dangerous territory.

My daughter has gone through the process of learning how to drive for the past year and just last week got her driver’s license. I was reminded of how she learned the lesson of not being on autopilot. On one of our driving trips, she began to make the mistake of turning not into the correct lane. She was heading beyond the median and toward the lane on the opposite side of the road. She quickly was able to catch onto her error and correct it. This gave mom a good teaching point to discuss.

In driving on the road, we cannot drive on autopilot. It doesn’t matter how comfortable we get in our driving or what is currently going on in our life. The most important aspect of driving a car is being intentionally focused on driving safely. Without intention and focus on what we should do and should not do, we allow ourselves to go on autopilot. Our hands and feet can’t see the road. They will just go by muscle memory. But what if a pedestrian shows up crossing the road you have crossed a hundred times before without a pedestrian in sight? Only intention and focus on what you are doing can give you the reflexes you will need to avoid danger and keep the pedestrian safe and yourself from danger. Being on autopilot is essentially neglect.

on autopilot
Driving on autopilot is dangerous.

Driving and Life Can’t Be Done on Autopilot

All of us are guilty of this aspect of getting into our own heads and not really paying complete attention to what we are doing as we drive. Some temperaments will be more prone to this. The problem is we’ve gone on autopilot. We are neglecting the safety of ourselves and others because we are wrapped up in self.  Biblically speaking this is driving blind. If we aren’t paying attention and giving God our intention and commitment, than we are blindly driving in the wilderness of our own soul. We are allowing the thinking in our minds to go away from our focus on God into self-pity mode, worry thinking, angry vengeful thoughts and more. If we allow our minds to take us down those roads, it leads us to feeling sorry for ourselves, wallowing in worry about everything, fuming with anger and delving into other sinful thoughts and feelings. And if we don’t get ourselves back into focus with God, we will find ourselves acting out our depressive thoughts and feelings, allowing our worry to seep into our actions and doing stuff with our anger that is not pleasing to God. We have veered off the right road.

Thankfully, God is so merciful. His mercies are new every morning and His love for us goes beyond our failure at staying on the right road with Him. He just wants us to learn from our trip off the right road and get back on it with Him. If you’re driving on autopilot all too often, you will find yourself and others in very real danger for your soul. A trusted friend, pastor or pastoral counselor can be the tool God uses to help you get back on the right road with Him. Don’t delay and neglect your relationship with God.  He is the only protector and co-pilot that can navigate us safely throughout our life.

Contentment vs. Wanting More

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There is a thin line between contentment and wanting more. What is your enough? Do you get all your needs met or have some of them along the way become demands? What is the difference with those that seem content with what they have? The answer is in recognizing that our needs can become out of whack; they can become demanding, wanting more. They know the enemy and they know God and they stand firm with God and his goodness.

The true culprit is the enemy within the believer who doesn’t want the spirit to be on the throne of your heart. That sin within us wants to pull you away from God. He wants to pull the wool over your eyes and keep your focus from being on the Lord Jesus. He wants you to feel like God is holding out on you like he did with Eve in the garden of Eden.

Eve wanted more. Satan tempted her with the thought that she could have more wisdom and she let that thought take her down the path to sin. From the beginning and every day since, man is tempted by that kind of “wanting more” thinking. All Eve had to do was stand up for her true “enough”. She knew and tasted of God’s goodness but allowed the temptation to sway her to disobeying God. Eve allowed the “wanting more” thinking to take root and grow into the action of sin. She allowed Satan to change her thinking that God is enough to I can get my own enough. What we think, is what we believe and from these things come our actions. Pauls speaks of these things in 2 Corinthians 11:3, “I am afraid, however, that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent’s cunning, your minds may be led astray from your simple and pure devotion to Christ.

The truth is that our needs are completely met as we trust in Jesus and abide in him. It is a learning process. We have to learn, accept and receive all that God wants to pour into us. His generosity is limitless. The only true source of provision is from our Creator. The Perfect Lamb, who gave himself up for you and me is our enough. In him, we can say with confidence, “Jesus is my enough!”. We can have the contentment.

There are mountains of verse in God’s Word on praise and thanksgiving. It is God’s way of protecting our minds. We cannot think two kinds of thoughts at the same time. If the enemy pops up that “wanting more” thinking into your head, cast it out like the garbage that it is. And turn your thoughts to praise and thanksgiving. Affirm your belief in Jesus as the Wonderful Counselor, Almighty God, Everlasting Father and Prince of Peace. Jesus is our Enough! Contentment is ours but that “wanting more” is crouching at the door.

contentment
Contentment in Christ

Thank you, Lord for your goodness and love that pour out of everything you do and say. Your Word is strong and true. Helps us to stand securely on it, fixing our eyes on the author and perfecter of our faith. In the name of Jesus, the Perfect Lamb who took our sins upon himself. Amen.

If you’ve been fighting this battle with contentment and wanting more without success, allow me to help you find your way. Contact me today!

 

 

The Fear of the Lord is the Beginning of Wisdom

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The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding. To him belongs eternal praise.  Psalm 111:10

As I read this Psalm the other day during my study and quiet time with God, it came to mind that people often can think of God and his precepts; his law, statutes, testimonies and word as dictator-like. God commands us and for some that can sound very controlling. It sounds like “We should do this” and “We must do that”.  For those temperaments that don’t tolerate anyone controlling them, this can be a big hurdle to overcome. This issue of pride and who is who comes into question. Pride is opposing the fear of the Lord and the beginning of wisdom.

The truth is what can prevail here if our own will allows it. The truth is that God’s motivation is always from His great love for us. His commands are not meant to be authoritarian but authoritative. He wants what is best for us and the best thing for us is to be in intimate fellowship with him as we rest in Jesus. This is the design he created; a relationship of the Holy God and obeying sons and daughters.  We are His creatures and He is our Creator. We are dust but He breathes the breath of life into us and can take it when He deems it to be the perfect time. Can we put aside our own self and allow God to open our eyes to seeing him for who He is and who we really are?  Proverbs 11:2 tells us “when pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.”

The Mind of Christ Within Us

When the words of this Psalm were God-inspired, God was giving us His wisdom to live by. He has given us His Knowledge and His Understanding. These two (knowledge and understanding) are part of the mind of Christ that is imparted to us when we accept Jesus as our savior and king. Knowledge is represented in King Solomon’s temple as the tables with the shewbread that lined one side of the sanctuary in the Holy Place. This shewbread represents how knowledge is to be consumed much like eating food. But knowledge without understanding is only foolishness. This is demonstrated in when a person who is not, yet a believer reads the Bible. Without God’s understanding it is foolishness to them.

God also give us His understanding. This understanding was represented in Solomon’s Temple with the lampstands that were lining up on the opposite side of the tables of shewbread. The light from the lampstands represents how understanding shines on knowledge making it something that we can apply to our lives.

Beginning of Wisdom
We are the temple.

It is up to us in our will to choose to walk in the fear of the Lord each day to take this knowledge and understanding and use it to help us make wise choices, live rightly and walk in the truth.

When we follow God’s Word and do what He wants us to do, we are demonstrating the understanding He has given us.

God’s wisdom is a gift he’s already given to each of his adopted children. He is a good and loving Father who wants to help his child live life bearing His image and reaping the abounding goodness he wants to give us.  But we need to do our part. Seek, follow, obey, and walk in the truth and the fear of the Lord.

We all need help to figure out life and how God wants us to live it. Allow me to be that person for you. Contact me today!

Thanksgiving Brings the Right Perspective

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Thanksgiving is not just a holiday to sit around and eat turkey and pie. Thanksgiving is an attitude of the heart that can bring in the right perspective. It helps you to see beyond yourself and your trials and issues in life. You start to see the bigger picture. Moving beyond seeing your problems up close. Stepping back and seeing the reality of it all. Things could always be so much more worse.

So, the Lord helped me to see this easy pattern to use to get the ball rolling on giving thanksgiving. Starting with one thing leads to another and soon a domino effect of thanksgiving and praise makes you see things you were forgetting or not seeing. I was reading Psalm 136 and saw how the psalmist had a pattern going throughout this psalm. He starts outright thanking God for who he is. Then begins a process of sharing the thanksgiving for what God has done. In between each thanksgiving, he affirms the love of God.

thanksgiving

Psalm 136 Thanksgiving Pattern

Here’s a few verses to get you started to show you this pattern:

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good.

His love endures forever.

Give thanks to the God of gods.

His love endures forever.

Give thanks to the Lord of lords;

His love endures forever.

to him alone does great wonders.

His love endures forever.

who spread out the earth upon the waters.

His love endures forever.

Continue reading Psalm 136 here.

Creating Your Own Psalm of Thanksgiving

So, inspired with this pattern of thankfulness and affirmation of God’s love, I created my own personal thanksgiving psalm:

Give thanks to the Father, for he is good.

His love for me never ends.

Give thanks to the Son, for his is my savior.

His love goes beyond what I can imagine.

Give thanks to the Holy Spirit, for he is always with me.

His love comforts my sorrows.

to him who humbled me and helped me see.

His love never gives up on me.

who set me from my fears.

HIs love fills me up with peace.

who gave me my heart’s desire.

His love is evident in all things.

who moved me from fear to confidence.

His love brings courage and strength.

who shines the light on the hurts for healing.

His love never leaves me in my mess.

who helps me see my own sins.

His love wants what’s best for me.

who stands with me in the fire.

His love brings me through all things.

who brings me wisdom and understanding.

His love shines the light of truth.

Give thanks to my Lord and King.

His love holds me close, calling for me by name to hold on to him.

Hold on to him, I will.

Creating your very own thanksgiving psalm will help put everything in the right perspective. We are very much blessed if only we would see it. Please contact me and share your own psalm of thanksgiving and be part of a domino effect spreading the word that God is good and his love does endure forever.

Pain and the Body/Soul/Spirit Connection

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Pain is an inevitable part of life but the connection in our being can help us deal with it. Ultimately, our pain starts in a part of our physical body but the message goes to our brain which tells us something is hurting. Our brain works with our mind which is a part of our soul. Automatically, our mind is negatively effected by the pain we feel. Our automatic subconscious thoughts tend to go into self-pity and with on-going pain into depression and despair. But God has created our body, soul and spirit to not only negatively influence the other parts. God has created it so that our other parts can have a positive impact on the other.

The Body-Soul-Spirit Connection

pain

Our spirit is the originally designed part of our being that was meant to be the ruler of the whole being. However, sin and the inherited sinful nature we are born with, brings us a new ruler. Because our spirit is dead at birth, it cannot rule. So, the soul steps in and rules the whole being. Our soul is made up of our mind, will and emotions. It is our thoughts and feelings that are driven by our beliefs that rule our being. The soul as ruler will lead to death and destruction while the born-again spirit with the Holy Spirit leads to life.

The born-again spirit with the Holy Spirit is now in a continual battle to keep the rule of the being. When a person’s light is not shining outward, they have a bowl over their light. That bowl is something or somethings within the soul that in religious terms we call a stronghold. It stems from unmet needs but results in no fruit or bad fruit.

James speaks of double-mindedness. James 4:8 This is the battle with your soul wanting to continue to be ruler instead of allowing Christ to rule. There is always an authority in place. It’s which authority you allow that makes all the difference.

but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31

Soaring Above the Pain

When it comes to physical pain, our soul wants to take over which leads us into the self-pity and the woe is me mindset. If we believe God is our strength and comfort, we can with continual prayer and deep breathing meditation on scripture reduce the feeling of pain which helps us endure. It takes an absolute confidence in this belief that God’s strength and comfort will sustain you. It takes faith and even that small amount can make a mountain of a difference. We call out to our Lord with our cries and tears of pain and affirm again and again our belief and confess over and over of our lack of belief. Our mind is paving the way for our belief to become stronger when we affirm it. Our feelings are being affirmed and comforted just being able to take them to God without fear of rejection. He will never leave or forsake us not even when we are desperately crying out for relief.

I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13

Our Weakness Can Shine God’s Glory

In the midst of a hurricane is the eye of the storm. It is the place where it is calm and it feels like you are no longer in a storm. This is where Jesus is. He waits for us to come out of the wayward winds of the storm and into the eye with him and rest. Be still and know that He is God.

pain
Praising Him in the Storm
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. James 1:2-3

Paul suffered some kind of chronic pain that he endured with God’s strength and through it all he could praise Him. Christ’s power is made perfect in our weakness. In our weakest state, we can still be a bright shinning light, shinning God’s glory.

My Own Praising in the Storm

I have recently experienced this dynamic of pain and the power and strength of God within me helping me get through it. I have had shingles for the last month with bouts of severe intense pain. And though it has been tempting to go into self-pity and depression over this, I have intentionally chosen to let my spirit rule. Instead of self-pity, I pray and focus my attention on affirming my trust in the Lord. Rather than depression, I praise and sing to the Lord. He has been with me. God has strengthened me. Jesus has comforted me. And He alone has helped me to see the blessings within the trial. As Paul said to the Romans, “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” Romans 8:18

Yes, pain is an inevitable part of life but you can choose how to deal with it. We can allow our spirit to rule and help us get the strength of God already within us, coming out and influencing our soul and our body for the better. Our attitude and mindset can shift to the mind of Christ who helps us endure. Seek and rest in His Word and let the joy of the Lord be your strength.

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. Romans 5:3

Don’t suffer without hope. Seek out a friend, pastor or Biblical counselor like myself.

Appearances Are Deceiving

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Appearances are deceiving when it comes to the Supine in the love and affection area of their temperament.

Supine in Affection suffer from an “indirect behavior conflict” by expressing very little need for love and affection and appearing not to want deep personal relationships. However, they really want a great deal of love, affection and approval and desire deep personal relationships. Their appearances are deceiving not by intention but because it is part of the seed of who God created within them. And like all seeds, we have to learn to rely and trust in the Master Gardener to help nurture and grow us in the way He always intended.

Appearances are deceiving
Let it your need and your love for others show.

People around Supines are unaware of their intense need for love and affection because they don’t show or express them. This leaves the Supine in Affection with an unmet need for love, affection and approval that can lead them down a destructive path to try to get that need met. For many this will lead to sexual sins, trying to meet that need. I know, for I have been there.

The reason for this indirect behavior is simply fear. It is the fear of rejection that motivates them to not initiate and express their need for love and affection and expressing that same love and affection to others. This fear creates the motivation for them to hide away their need. Our appearances to others speak volumes and the Supine is saying “I don’t need love and affection” when in fact they very much do. Yes, appearances can be deceiving.

Initiation From Others

The Supine in Affection is capable of responding to love, affection and approval that has been initiated by others. This is because their fear of rejection has subsided with the other being the initiator. This is because they now feel “safe”. They are ready to give love but afraid to give it first. I remember how scared I was to tell my husband “I love you” for the first time. Our first “I love you’s” to each other were done in the dark because at least for me it felt a little bit safer. Turns out my husband is also a Supine in Affection.

The Supine in Affection is like the Sanguine, they require constant reassurance that they are loved, needed and appreciated. Yesterdays or even this morning’s love and appreciation is just that. They need to be loved, needed and appreciated all day, in every situation.

This fear in them creates a tendency to expect others to read their mind and know they have this need. With high expectations, Supines will inevitably with human failings be disappointed when their expectations are not met. The Supine tends to think of these disappointment feelings as “hurt” feelings. But let’s be frank; “hurt” feelings are angry feelings. How often have you seen a child off in a corner sulking because he didn’t get what he wanted? The Supine in Affection who is not getting the love and affection they need met will end up harboring lots of angry feelings that can become a cancer to the soul.

appearances are deceiving
Express your “hurt” in ways pleasing to God.

Unmet Needs and Their Consequences

Being a Supine in Affection with a compulsive component, I have gone through the process of held in “hurt” that effectually came out like a volcano exploding. God had led me to this and helped me get rid of the “hurt” feelings, process the anger and be emptied out so He could fill me up with his grace and the forgiveness needed towards the person I was angry towards.

Having the benefit of the experience of being a Supine in the Affection area, I can attest to the power of God working in a person’s life. God’s love for me didn’t let me to wallow in the mess of my sexual sins. He didn’t leave me to deal with the consequences of them. And most importantly, His love was greater than my need for love and affection which is compulsive. A compulsive need is one that constantly needs to be replenished. Only God who is love could fill a need like that.

It is time to take down the mask and not let fears control you. It is time to lay aside those appearances that are deceiving. Not feeling loved is no way to live. It is not what God wants for you. Reach out, seek Him and talk with a trusted friend, pastor or Christian counselor, like myself. He wants to fill you up with all you need if you would allow Him to.