At some point, God hopes for you to be open to truly learning something in this trial. What are we learning in this trial? It is a self-reflective question to be asking ourselves.
Just over 17 years ago, I went through my own trial where I was isolated and completely out of control of my life. I was 5 months pregnant and had gone into premature labor. The fear of losing the baby girl that God had blessed me with was overwhelming. That fear was increased when the nurse who treated me first, checked on the baby and found that my amniotic sac was protruding out of the womb. I won’t ever forget the look on her face. She raced away and within a couple minutes others were back and adjusting my bed to be in trendelenburg. That meant my bed was tilted 10 degrees backward. My head was lower than my feet. This was the practical step to help the amniotic sac go back inside the womb with the force of gravity. It did do that about a week later.
In the meantime, the doctor told us the proverbial “I don’t know”. There was no way to determine why I was having premature labor. It was a best guess scenario. She gave us two options: take labor stopping drugs in the hopes that the labor triggered the cervix opening or do the surgery to put a stitch in the cervix to trying to keep it from opening further. She said she would give us 5 minutes and be back. Just 5 minutes to make a life or death decision.
Who Do You Turn To?
I began by asking my husband his thoughts. He thought the surgery was the option to take but left the decision in my hands. It was at that point I prayed with all my being calling on the God who saved me from myself and had been helping me to become more and more who he always designed me to be. In those prayer-filled moments an event took place that I will never forget. I felt a peace that truly passes all understanding come down over me like a beam of light. Immediately, I knew in my heart that my baby girl was going to live and be healthy. And I wasn’t afraid to tell everyone just that.
I chose the labor stopping drugs and the labor did stop. It was touch and go but I was absolutely confident that God’s hand was at work and he was going to have my baby girl live and be healthy. By the next morning, with the labor stopped, I was being transferred to the Women’s Pavilion of the hospital. My directive was to stay in bed with it tilted backwards 10 degrees for the rest of my pregnancy. I had no idea of the ramifications to come.
When Life Is Out of Control
Every bit of control of my life was taken away. The only thing I had control over was my thinking, my speaking, using the remote control, reading my Bible and moving my body from side to side in the bed. I couldn’t even wipe my own bottom properly in the position I was in. It was a place of total humiliation and total vulnerability.Depression could have snagged me in it’s grasp but instead I opened God’s Word that next day and he reminded me that anything is possible with Him.
He also showed me that this was not to harm me or my baby in anyway. This was actually an answer to my own prayer. I had been praying for God to use me to be able to tell my story. He put me in a place with women around me that needed to hear my story. I answered God’s call and started sharing my story with every nurse. Soon nurses were bringing in other nurses and patients to hear my story. Did it help them? I don’t know specifically but I am confident that what I shared would water a soul, plant a seed or pull out a weed. God was in control and I was learning to trust Him even more.
I spent 4 weeks like this. It was the snowiest month of March in years. I had only a few visitors because of snow storm after snow storm. But God provided the company I needed, the comforting words, the encouraging thoughts. He presented me with ideas to keep me occupied. I created a paper flower garden in my hospital room thanks to the nurses who brought me construction paper, scissors and glue. The nurses posted up affirmations based on God’s Word on the wall that I created. I joked with the nurses when I had to call them to help me with my bathroom issues. I would laugh and say, “Clean-up in Room 220”. I was learning to lean on God, to trust Him more fully.
When Circumstances Are Overwhelming
Circumstances got rough when after three weeks of not getting out of bed gravity was creating problems. My neck and shoulders constantly ached, my digestion had slowed to an all-out stop and I hadn’t had a bowel movement in 3 weeks. And after getting over that hump with lots of prune juice, I ended up with a high-fever inducing bladder infection from the catheter. It was not all being still with God. I had some moments of tears of frustration and pain. Crying out to God was literally all I could do in those rough moments. HE WAS WITH ME THROUGH THEM ALL.
On March 25th, my trial was going to shift. My daughter whom we named Faith was on her way again and this time it could not be stopped. She was coming feet first so I had to have an emergency C-section. Faith was only 1lb 14oz.much like the tiny mustard seed Jesus speaks of. She cried heartily for a few moments before they had to put her on the ventilator. My trial would continue with the ups and downs that Faith would have in the hospital and trials of living with a baby with special needs. But I continued to try to find those quiet moments with God and connect with him like I did when my life was completely out of my control and I was forced to stay in bed.
Wake Up Call
We are forced to stay at home now because of the COVID 19 virus but it doesn’t have to be a time of fear. Instead of dwelling on the virus, the worry about food, the worry about finances or the fear of getting sick or passing on the virus to someone else and what that might do, we need to be turning to Him. I did that in my time of trial where I was in isolation and life was out of my control. And I can tell you confidently, when we trust God and rest in Him all things will work out for his good purposes. Learning the lessons is a big part of the blessings of the trial.
There are lessons to be learned we just need to be open to hearing what they are. What is God showing you in this trial? What are you learning from God?