There is a temperament that loves on their own terms. It is called the Choleric. This is a specific detail in their need for love and affection; loving on their own terms.
What are the terms they need to accept love and affection from you? They tend to prefer deep relationships to say “I love you” by doing special things for them and some physical expressions of love and affection like hugs and kisses. In terms of love languages, we are talking about acts of service and physical affection. The exact terms and standards will vary for each Choleric in Affection because of the shaping they have had with their upbringing and environment
Cholerics tend to use charm and be very warm and personable with their deep relationships, but this is all in an effort to maintain control of the deep relationship. Yes, Choleric in all three areas: Inclusion, Control and Affection have a need to control. They will likely establish deep relationships with people they can control.
Though they express lots of love and affection, they need very little. This is part of the reason why they only accept love on their own terms.
Love Not On Their Own Terms
So, what if you don’t give them love and affection on their own terms? They tend to reject the other person. They will turn and walk away form you. This can seem cruel and unfeeling to the other person. This conflicts with what God wants us to do. Love each other as we love ourselves. The problem with the Choleric is they love themselves too much. It is this extreme self-centeredness that comes across as cruel towards the person they are rejecting and walking away from.
This self-centeredness in their need for love and affection will also tend to make them have a difficult time relating to the deep, tender feelings that other temperaments have. They view the emotions of others as sentimental trivia. This can be a huge conflict when the other deep relationships express their deep emotions to them. They will likely feel “unheard” or that they really don’t care for and love you.
The Choleric in Affection gives a great deal of love and affection much like the Sanguine which can be a great strength for God’s Kingdom when the Choleric in Affection has an active personal relationship with Jesus and is growing to be like Christ and love others unconditionally with the divine “agape” love that comes from God.
If this sounds like you, your spouse or significant other, please know that there is hope in Jesus and coming to the place of reliance upon Him which is what God originally designed for us. Contact me to discover your unique temperament and how our connection to God is vital in the well being for our entire being, body, soul and spirit.