In today’s post, we are going to look at the Melancholy love needs. We will also take a look at the law of reciprocity and how it can effect love needs of the Melancholy. So, let’s begin with an understanding of what reciprocity is.
There are universal laws that God has instilled in all of creation. Some examples of these are the law of gravity, the law of attraction, and the law of supply. The law of reciprocity is simply put what you give is what you get. A waitress that gives her best smile and service will get a good tip. A friend takes care of their dog while away on vacation will get a nice thank you gift. This same idea applies to love. The amount of love you give will be the amount of love you recieve.
Love and Reciprocity Working Together
But love is a far more complicated thing. The question of ‘what is love?’ comes to mind. Love is not a feeling. Love is an action. It is shown, demonstrated and manifested in our behaviors, including our words, mannerisms and body language. So, if love is an action, we can see it, hear it and experience it. Love actions are seen in the commonly known 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. We give gifts, speak loving words, spend quality time, and serve in one way or another. We also show our physical affection with hugs, kisses, high-fives, etc. But even these 5 ways can be manifested in a variety of ways that cannot be counted.
And because we are all so fearfully and wonderfully made and are unique creations of God, we will not all see these manifestations of love in the same way. We tend to see and want love and affection the way we are most comfortable giving it. Thankfully, God has given us the capacity to learn and be shaped. And if shaped by God through the actions and modeling of godly people, a child can grow up and learn how to love in many different ways. This is especially significant for the Melancholy in Affection child.
Reciprocity and the Melancholy in Affection
A Melancholy in Affection has very little need for love and affection. Melancholy tend to not show much love and affection because they don’t need much in return. This is where the law of reciprocity can hurt them. If they are not giving much love and affection then they may not get much love and affection in return. There is an underlying reason aside from their need for love and affection being lesser than other temperaments. They are the most emotionally guarded of all the temperaments. This is because of a tendency for extremely low self-esteem. Melancholy will see themselves as unlovable. So, the Melancholy in Affection puts up their own walls of protection. It’s these very walls of protection that will keep them from giving love and affection that will be reciprocated back to them.
Think of the Melancholy in Affection as a wine bottle that has only a drop of wine left at the bottom of the bottle. This is all the love they have to give because giving anymore is too much of a risk. They don’t want to be hurt by rejection which they fear greatly. But a Melancholy in Affection who is growing up in a godly home can be shaped and filled by God’s divine ‘agape’ love. That wine bottle can be filled up, the fear can be tempered with God’s peace and the low self-esteem can be replaced with the truth of who God says you are. God thinks you are worth it! Your worth is shown in God’s demonstration of love for you in dying on the cross.
It will take time with the Lord for the Melancholy in Affection. they will need to be in His Word, in worship and fellowship with other Christ-followers and live intentionally in obedience to God..
Reciprocity with God Makes All Things Possible
A Melancholy in Affection person does not have to live the lonely life feeling unloved. The Lord God Almighty is more than able to give them all they need to receive the love He has for them. God alone, can fill up the Melancholy wine bottle with love. The Melancholy can with God’s help learn to pour love out. God can give us all the will to love others and the strength to do it when we surrender to Him and let Christ and His love rule us. It’s another form of the law of reciprocity. When we give over ourselves to God each day, he gives us the abundant life lived in His will and love.
Please, don’t let another day go by feeling unloved or living in fear. Talk to a trusted friend, pastor or pastoral counselor or contact me to find out what your real love needs are and how to move towards that abundant life Jesus wants to give.