The love and affection needs of a Phlegmatic are just as important as the needs of the Sanguine last week. The Phlegmatic is different from the Sanguine because their need for love and affection is moderate and most realistic. They are the ones that fall in the middle of the road for needs. There aren’t any extremes as there are in the other temperaments. They don’t smother which a Sanguine may do and they don’t seem coldly distant like the Melancholy.
These moderate needs makes this temperament area the most stable. The Phlegmatic in Affection tends to be well-balanced, easy-going, non-demanding and calm. Their realistic demands for love and affection keep things on an even keep for them.
A Tendency Problem
However, they may bend into self-righteousness because they feel they are getting the love and affection they need and are giving what they feel is a good amount. The Phlegmatic can get trapped into this way of thinking not seeing that the needs of others are different than their own. This can be especially seen in the marital relationship. If a Phlegmatic in Affection is married to a Sanguine in Affection, the Sanguine will invariably not feel loved by their Phlegmatic spouse and will end up with anger that if not dealt with can become a root of bitterness. The Phlegmatic in Affection won’t see the need for marriage counseling because he/she believes they are giving enough love and affection. Unfortunately, its enough for another Phlegmatic but not for the Sanguine who has a higher need.
Another interesting tendency in this Phlegmatic in Affection area is that they do not have any fear of rejection. Without this fear of rejection, they tend to be able to handle unaffectionate or hostile people. Remember the Sanguine spouse… If the Sanguine spouse doesn’t get the love and affection they need they can explode with anger. The Phlegmatic in Affection’s response will be like water off a duck’s back. They simply have no fear of being rejected therefore they handle the anger of another with calm. But this calm doesn’t look like calm to the other angry Sanguine. It looks like you just don’t care which, of course, will only fuel the fire of anger in the Sanguine for not getting the love and affection they need.
The difficulty lies again in the tendency to get caught in the trap of self-righteousness. In the Phlegmatic’s eyes everything is good. Only God can help them shift their perspective, whether its through the words and actions of another or divine intervention that humbles the proud. Philippians 2:3-11
While the Phlegmatic often has his love and affection needs met, those around them can be feeling rejected, hurt and ultimately angry which can quench the power of the Holy Spirit within them. If you are married to what to you may seem like a Phlegmatic in Affection, there is hope. It must begin with you first. Looking to the one who meets all our needs, Jesus.