There are temperaments that tend to be independent and there are those that tend to be dependent. The anger source in today’s post is from the Supine in Control area. Supine’s tend to be dependent and don’t want to take control and would prefer to be the followers in our world. Supine’s need to have a close friend, family member or spouse to rely on to help them in making decisions. This is a tricky area because we live in a world where our primary goal is to raise kids to be independent and responsible. A Supine in Control can learn how to make decisions but they are better off if they can be in fellowship with someone close to them that they can bounce these upcoming decisions off of. The anger part comes into play when they are not consulted for decisions that affect them. An example situation would be a child doesn’t want to try soccer but Mom and Dad make the decision without consulting the child or respecting the child’s feelings about it and sign him up for soccer anyways. Another example would be in a marriage where the wife is the Supine in Control and she has a husband that has a controlling temperament. He makes the decision on the family vacation destination each year and she has no say or voice. It can be big decisions like making a major purchase or little decisions like where to go out to eat. They won’t necessarily show you any anger. For the most part, this anger is held internally which only allows it to build up bricks of division and that anger over time will become so great that it will explode and be released in potentially very negative ways.
As parents, it is best to learn from the get-go that respect goes both ways: kids need to respect their parents but parents also need to respect their kids. This means we respect and accept them for who they are; how God has made them. I personally have a child with this Supine in Control in their temperament and have seen the indecision and the “I will just follow you, Mom” look. I, thankfully have had this view of respect for my kids from the beginning and have always asked her what her thoughts are. That’s all they want. They only want to be included in the decision-making but they don’t want to make the actual decision. With this, my daughter has been able to grow and mature without having a potential issue with built-up anger.
Others are not so fortunate. They grow up in an environment that is controlling and disrespectful and they end up harboring years and years of anger that has soured their relationships with others and with God. All too many times, in Christian counseling, we find that a person doesn’t have a good view of anger to begin with nor have they been lovingly taught how to express their anger in ways pleasing to God. Without processing your anger, you are holding onto it which ultimately means you are be unforgiving which is a sin that will block you from the intimate connection with the Lord. Anger is a red-flag feeling that is telling you that something is wrong. It is not a feeling that should be stuffed away and/or denied. God wants us to analyze the feeling and with his help learn how to communicate this feeling so that the wrong done can be corrected.
A Supine in the control area will need to learn to accept that people will take control and will not think to include you in the decision-making process and that holding onto anger for this wrong is detrimental to the health and balance of their soul. First, any unforgiveness has to be dealt with, then they can move forward and learn how to communicate with others their need to be included and their anger when they are not. All of this is done with the grace of God to help them have the confidence to make their voice heard.